outburst

you know the feeling when your head wants to burst because of too much worries and you don't even know where to start to fix it? you close your eyes & try to concentrate or hope by some miracle they will all go away? then you'll be happy & content again. you think of a "happy thought" and for a while there it makes you a bit happy, a temporary fix yeah...but then you'll realize, "who am i kidding! these worries won't go away, they can just get worse..." i often feel that, right now that's what i am experiencing. some people would tell me that my problems are not even half as huge as those people of who don't have anything to eat, or can't walk or talk. but then that's their case, not mine. so bug off! if you can't help, just keep your mouths shut!

i usually deal with my woes on my own. the minor ones that are worth sharing, i usually tell my sibs, but the major ones are those that haunt me, mistakes that you've done in the past thats still in your head & you can't find any solid proof that would go away. these are the things that keep me silent, that makes me want to cry in the middle of the night or whenever i am alone. this is the side of me that none of you know because you know me as ms. cheerful. that's why often times i just burst into tears whenever i am taking a difficult call, it's not the calls, it's not the irate stupid customer, it's me. i have a problem that i can't deal with & am not willing to share with anyone of you. so whenever you see me like that, just bug off! nothing that you can say or do can help, not unless you can lend me a half million pesos wahahaha, fat chance!

i have a lot of things on my mind right now, and the things that i wrote may have not made any sense to any of you. but that's what i want to write right now, just to clear my head. well, it worked somehow...wonder how long this will last?